Dirty Little Secret #8- I want what I want to a fault. I'm the kind of person that wants something and will do almost anything to get it. For example, I wanted the typical boy meets girl fairytale. So I went through high school eyes wide, ready to find my soulmate. So Sophomore year, a guy comes along, and I'm thinking he's not bad, he's not great but whatever, prince he is. So we start dating, and things aren't bad... aren't great, aren't bad. Then he wanted me to do something and I wouldn't do it. So after arguing to no avail, things got physical. After he slapped me across the face, things just kind of froze. He's staring at me hand raised, I'm staring at him, chest heaving. Slowly the hand came down and the shame colored his face. "Baby, I'm so sorry." he said, taking a step back. I leaned against the wall for a fraction of a second longer before I strode over to him to kiss away his guilt. I held him and murmured how everything was ok, how I knew he didn't mean it, that I was still here that I'd stay, we'd work this out, on and on. After that things went down hill. Why wouldn't they? He knew I'd stay, and that I was more likely to give in to what he wanted after a hits. However, I was so determined to have my meet-in-high-school-get-married-have-kids-live-happily-ever-after-ending, that I didn't care. I wasn't even the one to decide I had to leave a friend of mine convinced me. I've done the same type of thing with many things that I've wanted.
I'm not after material things, mostly just relationships. I bend over backwards, doing things that cause my conscious to protest, hurt me mentally and physically, because I so desperately want what I want.
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