"I Have To Do This, Otherwise..."

So often I find myself caught up in this mindset that I have to do, do, do, or something bad will happen.  If I don't get all A's in college, no one will take me seriously.  If I don't prove that I'm worth something, no one will ever see me.  So many things that float around in my head that I have to do, otherwise...  It took me a while to realize just how far this extends in my life.

I was doing my nightly quiet time with God, and all of the sudden something just clicked.  I'm still not sure what happened, what triggered it, but all of the sudden it was like a bunch on bolts fell into place and things started making so much more sense.  I know I was trying to not think about all the things I still "had" to do before bed, when all of the sudden I found myself wondering who I was trying to impress?  What did any of the stuff I needed to do matter?  That just kind of blew a breeze across the sparks already flying.  The next hour was just a whirlwind of revelations and I got it.  I think for maybe the first time I understood what God's love really meant.  To me God's love has always kind of been something that was real, but not exactly tangible, just a far off kind of love, a long-distance relationship.  However, last night I realized just how close and personal it was.

I found myself thinking that God loved me enough to send His son to die for me, but more then that, He sent His son to die for ME.  If I had been the only person on the planet, God still would've sent His son to save me.  Even though I would've been the one driving nails into His precious son, He would've loved me enough to give me that chance at eternal life.  That was pretty mind boggling!  However it goes further then that.  Not only does God love me that much, He loves me enough to know everything about me.  He knows that my favorite color is blue, that I love country music, that I go to college, that I want to teach.  He knows that, but even more then that, He wants to know that.  I'm not just a number in a catalog, a model of a product if you will, that He keeps for His records, but to Him I'm a person.  I'm a person He cares enough about that no matter what He's doing, whenever I call on Him, He's there to listen.  Think of how much love that is!  I've personally never met anyone who was willing to drop everything to listen to me every minute of everyday.  I mean it's such a wonderful thing that it's so hard to get my head around, and amazing doesn't even begin to cover it!

Then I realized something else.  I don't have to prove or earn anything.  So what if I don't get all A's?  So what if I don't get a high dollar job, so what?  I have a relationship with the God that created the universe.  What even comes close to comparing to that?  Absolutely nothing!